Another Split Is To Come

I think this is the most personal blog at this point because of what just happened TODAY.

I still haven't recovered.

Gus overheard Dinah talking to Mallet, and she mentioned the one-nighter between Mallet and Harley. And BAM, my whole world and Gus's whole world are down the drain! Gus was angry throughout the rest of the show; it was really painful. I don't know how he managed to be in the same room as Harley and Mallet.

Let me just say that I knew GusH were getting their vows renewed today and that Gus would find out the truth this week. But I did not expect him to find out BEFORE the vow-renewal. So, I thought that today would be a romantic yet bittersweet show, knowing sadness is around the corner. And I was shocked to see Gus go through the vow-renewal while having the awful truth on his mind.

Now back to the moment Gus found out... You know how angry he was? He was SO angry that he crushed a glass in his bare hands! He so didn't want anything to do with Harley once she showed up. She fixed up his hand, even though he wanted to do it himself. Then there was talk about Phillip and Gus was jealous of seeing Harley with Mallet. He tried getting her alone but couldn't. At this point I wondered how on Earth do they get their vows renewed?! Well, low and behold a minister/priest/whatever-you-call him appeared for Alan and Beth, but they had gone home. So, he was there, the flowers were prepared, and the food was ready. Why not get married again? Harley loved the idea, but of course Gus wasn't so thrilled. I guess he got talked into it 'cause before you know it GusH were wearing the proper attire and standing together in front of the minister.

Gus could barely get through the ceremony. Harley's vows were so beautiful and heartfelt. Gus kinda stumbled through his, bringing up the mistakes of when he was gone months ago. But the ceremony happened, albeit not so romantically as I hoped it would be. Harley was such a happy bride, but Gus was still pained. I still can't understand how/why he went through with re-marrying her; he shouldn't want to be with her or even see her face. I guess he loves her so much and just couldn't ruin the ceremony. Maybe he wasn't sure what to do, so he went along with it. Maybe he wasn't ready to confront Harley and end the happiness. Maybe, maybe, maybe...

What occurred next was unbelievable! I'll admit...that I've always wanted to see a hot, wild GusH sex scene. In fact just recently I was thinking about it and wishing we'd get one some day. But today... Gus's anger fueled everything, and the sex was something I've never seen before. It was completely raw. Gus had to take his anger out somehow. Desire mixed with anger = rawness. And frustration was written all over his face. I wonder what Harley was thinking/feeling since she wasn't full of rage. This sex scene was quite unexpected; I certainly didn't think we'd get one under these cirumstances. Yes, we got raw GusH sex, but Gus was in pain on the inside and Harley was feeling the opposite. So, it seemed pretty brutal.

But the saddest, most heartbreaking thing was the very last scene. Gus went down stairs, started drinking, and popped a pill. With the difficult detox he went through with Harley, it's devestating to see him back on pills. Everything they did went down the drain today. I know he had said he was still struggling, but today he actually downed a pill. That's when I cried the most. I was a wreck through the whole show, but the tears really started pouring during that final scene.

And I'm still not over it. The hurt, anger, and sadness is still inside me. You can see the depression on the outside too. Now don't worry about me. Writing this entry really helps; getting all this out puts me at ease.

But this is only the beginning... Once Gus confronts Harley with what he knows, that's when things will completely explode. For them it'll be anger; for us it'll be tears. Their next split/break-up is upon us. And it won't be pretty.

Now allow me to express some rage. As much as I like Harlet...


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