Verbatim in a List (01)

So I'm looking through transcripts and writing down important GusH dates to remember and I get a crazy, cool idea. Why not create a huge list of all their terrific lines?
This'll be a work-in-progress because it'll take a long time for it to be completely finished, but today, August 9th, will mark the beginning. And I'll break this up into years, starting with 2001 when Gus joined the show.
Enjoy re-living the memories that all this dialogue brings back to you OR if you're new to GusH, enjoy their past and their relationship through this dialogue.

Greatest GusH Lines of All Time

Harley: He has the subtlety of a pit bull, he has absolutely no humanity. To call him a stupid, arrogant jerk would be an insult to the arrogant jerks I actually know. I don't even know the word to describe him.
Gus: Boss. As of 9: 00 am tomorrow morning, the right word would be "boss." But since we'll be personal, close associates, you can call me "God."
~~~April 16

Gus: You know, it's funny to hear you speak that way, because up till now, it seems that you take everything so personally.
Harley: Well, you bring that out in me.
Gus: You have a serious attitude problem, and I would like to thank you in advance to lose it, quickly. You'd be so much better off if you would just learn to shut your mouth, and keep your eyes and ears open. You might even learn something.
Harley: Do I get to fetch your coffee, too?
~~~April 18

Gus: Thank you, Cooper, for a very productive evening.
Harley: No, no, no, no. This evening wasn't productive, it was a nightmare. A nightmare and I intend to spend the rest of it alone with antihistamines and fluids and trying to figure out how the heck I'm going to make this thing work with you without killing you in the process. And I suggest that you do the same.
Gus: Well, I don't really need to do the same, Cooper because I know how things will work out between us. Just do things my way.
~~~April 19

Gus: Rise and shine, cupcake.
Harley: What happened? What? What did you call me?
Gus: You know, this would go so much better if you just slept at home, okay?
~~~April 24

Gus: And I want to tell you that I'm sending in a commendation letter for you. Big thumbs up, blue eyes.
Harley: They're green.
~~~April 25

Harley: Hey, what do you know? I'm off the clock.
Gus: Clock still ticks wherever you are. Do you have any coffee by any chance?
Harley: I didn't make any.
Gus: I'm starting to wonder whether you're a real cop. You don't like coffee. You don't eat donuts. You have an active social life.
~~~April 30

Harley: You know what? I think I'll pass. First of all, I'm an animal lover, but also, guess who has to do all the paperwork for we've been doing?
Gus: Fine. But if you insist on eating those crackers, make sure you don't get any on my desk, all right?
~~~May 11

(Gus asks Harley if she has any food. She ends up listing different things that sound good to him.)
Harley: And the best part, I have a chocolate cake.
Gus: See, that's my weakness. I love...
Harley: Double fudge icing. I know you do. But see, the problem is, you don't like to mix business and pleasure, so unless I'm planning to bring this stuff down to the surveillance van or to the office, you're not getting any.
Gus: The cake alone, by itself, with the icing, would be fine.
~~~May 15

Gus: You're pregnant. You are so pregnant!
Harley: Just because I won't get into a van for you.
Gus: Get into a van? Look at you. Look at you. You are a van.
Harley: Hey.
Gus: It's so obvious now that I look.
Harley: So I gained a couple of pounds.
~~~May 18

(Looking at Jude's sonogram)
Gus: The vertebre is like a tiny string of pearls.
Harley: Wow, I've never really-
Gus: Thought of it that way?
Harley: Yeah.
Gus: It's incredible. It's a little person. It's a baby. It's a little you.
~~~May 23

Gus: Don't you want to look at your reflection? Actually, that's where you have an opportunity to come over here and say, "Look at my reflection sure, but I can't see a reflection for you." Ho, ho. Come on, take a hit Cooper. I just gave you a freebie there. Take a shot.
~~~June 1

Harley:I'm going to be watching you like a hawk. I'm going to be making sure that you play by the book. And I mean play by the book, Aitoro. No more of this fast and funny stuff that you've been pulling, trying to get Danny's butt into the slammer. Uh-uh-uh. And if you have a problem with it, I suggest you talk to my superiors about it, because we're all on the same page. We can head over to Ross' office and we can file a report on your misconduct that will lower your career lower than a desk jockeys. I hate to tell you this, but you're stuck with me. So you may as well get used to it, okay?
After she leaves...
Gus: Damn. I've turned her into a good cop.
~~~June 15

Gus: Can I ask you something? Have you seen any of my files? I mean, did you tidy up in here?
Harley: Oh, bite your tongue. You know, I'm more than happy to see you sit in your own mess.
~~~June 25

Harley: You are the one with the obsession here. You are the one who takes this case way too personally, and I intend to find out why and stop you before you do any more damage.
Gus: Is that a threat, a threat?
Harley: You think you're a pitbull? You ain't seen nothing yet.
~~~June 26

Gus: Why don't you take a load off? It's been a long day. Can't I get you anything?
Harley: You're in my house.
Gus: Does that mean that you don't get to sit down?
Harley: I didn't invite you in.
Gus: No. But you weren't here, so I won't take it personally.
~~~August 1

Gus: What do you mean, you're having a contraction?
Harley: I mean I'm in labor. I am in labor, which is why I called Rick the doctor, not you, the idiot.
~~~October 11

Harley:You went back there because you helped me deliver my child there, and I think... I think that actually might have touched you a little bit. See, I see right through you, Aitoro. Remember I'm the one person in this town who actually knows you have a heart.
~~~October 17

Gus: But that's not why you came back [to Springfield].
Harley: No? What is the reason?
Gus: You came back for me.
~~~October 17

Gus: I know that you remember it, Harley, okay? I know that you're picturing it in your mind right now. You sat down on the couch next to me, and you were touched by my story. You were touched by me. You leaned in close, and it would have been so easy to have just given in. How many times have you replayed this over and over in your mind the last several months? How many times have you wondered what it would be like if you just had leaned in and closed your eyes?
(They share their first kiss.)
~~~October 18

Harley: Try making this one of them, because in case you hadn't noticed, we've been abducted.
Gus: Oh, is that what's going on? I thought you were just living out one of your crazy fantasies.
Harley: Of us tied back to back.
Gus: Well, I don't know what you're capable of, what little tricks you know, but you know, I'm a quick learner.
Harley: Okay, good. When we're untied we can start with me smacking you and we'll go from there.
~~~November 8

Harley: I just realized something. You can't roll on me.
Gus: What?
Harley: You can't roll on me!
Gus: Okay, why?
Harley: I'm a girl.
~~~November 8

Harley: Remember the perpetrator who duct taped our hands, tied us in the warehouse, that whole little incident? Know anything about that guy?
Gus: Cupid, you mean. I call him cupid. No, I didn't find anything. But if I did find him, I might send him a thank you card. Because you know, well, being tied up with you all night long, cheek to cheek, that's my idea of a good evening.
~~~November 29

Harley: What gives you the right to play with people's lives?
Gus: Wait a second. Excuse me, it's my life, too.
Harley: Really?
Gus: Yeah.
Harley: What were you hoping to accomplish, okay? I can't imagine what was going on in your head. What were you after?
Gus: You. Just you.
~~~December 3

Gus: You know, there was a time... We were down in our offices down at the police station once, in our cruddy little offices and this one day, you took a look down at your desk. I don't know if you were working on a case file or eating a sandwich, I don't know what it was, but it was the way that you just kind of tilted your head that day. And I just can't shake it. I mean, it kind of ran right through me. To this day, I just can't shake it.
~~~December 3

Harley: Is that a smile?
Gus: No, it's just A... Encouragement. It's not so much that I lied; that would have been okay. It's that I lied to you, right? And... And I'm touched. I just... It gives me hope for the two of us.
~~~December 18

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